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Many of us are superwomen and this has both its positives and negatives. We are the women who feel and desire to live up to expectations and pressures to do it all. We are the women who work hard and are 100% dedicated to fulfill multiple roles in life by juggling career, marriage, family, and friends. On the upside it feels amazing to be successful and needed on all fronts and there is a great sense of identity, satisfaction and happiness associated with being able to juggle it all. On the flip side of many of us feel overworked, misunderstood often alone and stressed.
7 Ways to Learn to Learn to â€œJust Beâ€
1. Wanting to be good and liked: Superwomen desire to be seen as good inside and out. They tend to strive for perfection in how they look, speak and perform in an effort to be seen as good enough. Being judged as good is necessary for their sense worth, therefore, people-pleasing is often the habit of these women because being liked is vital to their reputation and to them feeling like they are loved and that they fit in. To solve this, superwomen need to first take time to love themselves and base their self-worth on their own genuine like for who they are. They can learn they are loved even when they are doing nothing.
2. Need for Recognition: Accomplishments bring recognition and for superwomen recognition is the drug of choice. The more they achieve the more recognition they get, the more they want to achieve. They are fueled by the feeling that attention and recognition provide them. To solve this, superwomen need to practice being loved without the dependence upon someone elseâ€™s approval. If they are proud of who and how they are this can be enough and the recognition which comes from others is just icing on the cake.
3. Not asking for help: Asking for help for superwomen doesnâ€™t happen often. It can come from a fear that no one can do it better than she can so she has little faith or trust to give up any control and allow someone to help, or it can come from guilt or a sense of failure of her not being able to do something on her own. To work on this, superwomen can start small by asking others to help and on those smaller tasks for her to trust that they will get done efficiently so she can avoid micromanaging.
4. Difficulty Saying NO: Superwomen are afraid if they say no they will not be wanted, liked or valued anymore. Saying no may make another person angry and this is difficult for them so they over-function as way to control conflict. It is difficult for superwomen to tolerate anyone elseâ€™s discomfort, especially on their behalf. To work on this superwomen can learn to say no to others not in the way where she is telling others how she wants them to behave or what she wants them to do or stop doing but in learning to share what she wants and doesnâ€™t want for herself.
5. Driven to Accomplish: There is no ceiling on accomplishment. Superwomen are driven to be the best employees or business owners, the best mothers, and best wives and best friends. This drive is beautiful if it is a part of a womanâ€™s life but superwomen need to learn to accomplish the task of just being, receiving and following in order to be balanced emotionally.
6. Scared to be Vulnerable: Superwomen may appear confident but they are often insecure and feeling they are only loved if they are performing and being perfect. They have a difficult time asking for help and speaking their true feelings. They controls their life through staying in their minds and needing to be in control. It can be difficult to love them because they see vulnerability and surrender as a loss of control. To work on this superwomen need to learn to surrender control and express their sadness, anger, exhaustion, confusion, fear etc. This way people can know her and better how to understand and meet her needs.
7. Difficulty Receiving: Giving keeps her in a position of power. However, if she is always giving then it is not possible for her to feel appreciated enough which causes her to see everyone as coming up short for her . This creates a lot of depression and chronic conflict in her relationships because no one can feel they measure up to her expectations. She needs to remind herself how good it feels to give and allow others that place so they can feel that same experience when giving to her. There is often guilt associated with receiving which comes down to worth and so what a better way to learn self-love then to learn to receive.
Superwomen are wonderful women who love deeply, give generously and have a tremendous need for belonging and love. Learning to receive, follow and express their authentic self will heal this need for frantic control. She controls mostly because sheâ€™s afraid things will fall apart and she will shatter. It is beautiful to be and feel successful, needed and appreciated and it is equally as important to learn to just be, to receive and to be able to follow rather than lead. Life will be much more fulfilling in this way.
Sherapy Advice: Give yourself permission to stop being frantic. The world will not fall apart it will come together.
Sherrie Campbell, PhD is a veteran, licensed Psychologist with two decades of clinical training and experience providing counseling and psychotherapy services to residents of Yorba Linda, Irvine, Anaheim, Fullerton and Brea, California. In her private practice, she currently specializes in psychotherapy with adults and teenagers, including marriage and family therapy, grief counselling, childhood trauma, sexual issues, personality disorders, illness and more. She has helped individuals manage their highest high and survive their lowest lowâ€”from winning the lottery to the death of a child. Her interactive sessions are as unique and impactful as her new book, Loving Yourself : The Mastery of Being Your Own Person.
She earned her Ph.D. in Clinical Psychology in 2003 and has regularly contributes to numerous publications, including Intent.com, Beliefnet.com, DrLaura.com and Hitched.com. She is also an inspirational speaker, avid writer and proud mother. She can be reached at Sherriecampbellphd.com.
Loving Yourself: The Mastery of Being Your Own Person is available on Amazon.com and other fine booksellers.